Serendipitwaddle - Tania Katherine

Another one of my friends mentioned this morning that she was pregnant. Once the excitement for her passed, I got to thinking: is everyone knocked up? I spent a good portion of today with a baby. Cute, fawning and expressive, she was a treat. However, that’s not a treat that belongs in my life right now. Heck, that’s not a treat that can fit in my apartment. The one bedroom, small kitchen, large living room apartment where the cats live doesn’t seem fit for another being. My bank account - which doesn’t seem fit for even one human being - doesn’t seem like the place for a child either. 

However, I’m down to only a handful of friends who are not currently or recently pregnant. I’m down to even less friends who aren’t married or presently planning nuptials. Now, I know I’m a bit hypocritical here. After all, I’m engaged and happy with that. But I’m happy with that and realistic. Between two jobs and sleeping, planning a wedding doesn’t seem to have place. Heck, it’s rough enough most morning just to get up and do yoga. I can’t even imagine time-sharing more time to plan this huge event that I couldn’t care less about. I know when Michael and I get married, there will be three things present: 1. My friends and family (and his) in small numbers 2. A nice fall or spring day and 3. A lack of shoes (it’s my wedding day - I’m not wearing shoes…). That’s it. As female, why do we measure our own measure by matching bridesmaid dresses and flowers. Even worse, why do we measure our relationships by this? Is the rest of your life (that’s what your getting married for, right? Not until he pisses you off enough and you file for divorce?) going to be less awesome if the silverware isn’t the right fit or your veil doesn’t fit just right? 

I’m happy. Do I wish I lived closer to friends and family? Yes! Yes, yes, yes - a thousand times yes! Do I wish I made more money? Uh, yeah (who doesn’t though?). But that’s about it. The little things - who did or didn’t do the dishes, the fact that I woke up with a headache or the smell in my desk - are just little things and I don’t need to measure my life by them. I’m also not in rush (but I am at the moment in a comparative mood!). When we get married, it will be the right time for us. When we have children, it will be the right time for us. Not our parents. Not our friends. Not our preconceived notions when and where things should happen. But us. 

I worry not all of my friends - however - take that time. However, that’s their place to figure out - not mine to judge from the outside. On a larger scale, I worry about women. Yes, we can vote now - but we can also become megabrides featured on national cable for our issues. Yes, we can choose what happens to our bodies - but we can also peak at one another to lose weight and breach eating disorders to fit into one dress. I guess I just wish we weren’t so comparative - though geez, I’m a hypocrite as most of this has been comparison. Oops. 

With that, I leave you with a photo that sums up my whole relationship: 

Some orchard/farm/patch/thing - October 2009 - Somewhere in Ohio